Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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