Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
