i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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