god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
