she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
