i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
