I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize