I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
