IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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