Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
third nipple confirmed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
