Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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