So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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