Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
