And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
