I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
