Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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