i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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