the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
