Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
