He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
