My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
