Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
