About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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