i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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