Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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