I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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