I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
