my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize