i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
