I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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