Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
