I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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