I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
