if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
