there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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