I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
