My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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