I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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