Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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