Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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