All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize