It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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