Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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