Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
