what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
