But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
