I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
