How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
