saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
