we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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