He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
