I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
