I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize