How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
