My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
