Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
