tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
