Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
