Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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