i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
