can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
