Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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