I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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