Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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