Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
