I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
