Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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