at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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