Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
