Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
