You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just pynch a tree in the face
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize