wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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