There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
